


PEPSACOLI: THE FANFICTION

by Porrim, wweh



Category: American Dragon: Jake Long, Boku no Piko, Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), Homestuck, Shrek (2001), the bop it fandom
Genre: Drama, Multi, OH snap, Twerking, inapropriate use of bop its, skreg, yaoi!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-11-07
Packaged: 2017-12-16 01:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Porrim/pseuds/Porrim, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wweh/pseuds/wweh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>john egebet is hte new student and hes mute and shy and he meats dave stoder and they fal in lub then do the do (its humanstuskc by the yaw)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. john be the new kid

**Author's Note:**

> hello people of ao3 thisis my first fnafition this work is 100% serious thank you very mcuh

You’re name is John EGbert and today is your first day of shcool. yOU ARE CURRENTLY 16 YEARS OLD, and now your probsbalby wonderingwhy a 16 year old hasnt been to schoo lfore. The answer to that is becasue you’vev been homestukc i mean schooled your entire life since you suffer from mute. It was somehting you were born with, and altohugh it can be a pain, you’ve learned how to cope wit it.

 

You flatten out your short blue skort as you make  your way downtown, wakljing fast, faces passed, and you’re homstuck. You nervously ring the door bell to your neaw school, and bite yourr bottom lip with ur huge asS mtheruckin front treeth seductivly.

The door opens adjacent angles and your met face to face with thid angry kkid.

“WHAT IS IT FUCKSASS?”

You nod.

“OKAY FOLLOW ME XD”

your heels clicka as you walk down the long korradoor to ur class.

“TJIS IS YOUR FIRST PERIOD CLASS JUST SIT DOWN AND YEAH BLUGE MUNCHOR.”

Karkat then gets in crab position, and shimmies away. You smilk at him. nnnd slowlty turn your head to face the door were you will be in that first perosd class

Itsn ot like your’ nervous but youre really nervous right now. You hpoe the other kids will accept you for tyour muteness.

You open the door to hear that the teacher is in the middle of teachineg, but you could care lees. You strut too the front of the room and cut off the teacher, “

yOU Walk in to the forn of the room to go through the whole introdutcions cause your the new studint. “H-Hi..” YOu stammer.

Yorue met with nlank stares, a boy in the thrid row sweats profoundly

“M-my name is jonh. and -iim new.” A blush appears on your cheeks and you look away, too emabresd to face the crowd.

A girl in the first row stands up, “And my name is virska”.

she winks at you with eight eyes and you shudder in your thighs.

“NO ONE FUCKING CARES VRIGKA JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP” That voice belongs to a girl i nthe second row, who has short black hair, and glasses, and has light blue on so you probs know hwoo this is k.

SuDenly a cake is thrown at her facE from john i nthe third row. 

JOHN stands there awkawrdly at the front of the room, unsure where to sit, he shifts from heel to heel and fiddles wit hthe lace on his skirt.

“You can sit here bro” John turns shis head towards the sound and his eyes find a face.

That face belongs to a hot stud muffin youre not gay though, he has white hair,and porcaleen skin, and then some freks on his fafe.

His eyesa re covered with some shadess and he has this cool guy aura  to him.

oyu accept his OFFER and promply go 0ver and sit on his lap.

“The names dave struder.” He whispers from behindyou.

“M-my names JohN and i’m mute.”

“Cool,”

You BLUSH and your grip tightens on the ends of your skirty.

* * *

You continue the rest of class on dave stoders lap. EvERYthing seems ot be going well, and its lunch time.

Dvae offers to sit with him and you nod because your mut.

“We are doing this man, we are making this happen.” Dave says in a proper tone.

He ists down at his usual tabel, and you recongigze some faces from class.

“Hello jong.” Says a girl who youre pretty sures named areana.

‘sup”” Says a punkish girl enxt to her with two long braids, chewin on bubble gum, currently loading a gun, and smackin her lip gloss.

Once her gun is loaded, she leans over and makes out with arana.

oh.

“How lewd.” Grumbles a sweaty guy wawthcing them intensly.

“I cannot take this heat and passion.”

Equius then rips off his shirt and stands up, his horns just barely touching hte cieling.

“Calm down equimus!” Squeaks a 3 foot tall cat enxt to him.

YOu finish eatin your lunch and watch dave stader eat as well because you’re

* * *

Your’e first day of school is finally over. you sigh in your bed that you are currently laying down in. It suRE was fun, youve had friends and htey accept you even when being mute!

You rest your hand on your leg and fall to sleep.


	2. dave has a boenr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here it is second chapater in whicih davey gets a boner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -time skip its the next day and jons in class yes-

It’s the next day at your new school, and you find youself sitting on dave staders lap again. its not liek there wasnt any emprty seats, you just perfered sitting on his lap. It was warm and you felte safe.

 

“you okay rhere bro?” the sound of davis voice like fresh leaves to your ears

you nod becuase once again, you are mute, which means you cant talk at all.

“are you okay?!?!?” you stammer, because you didnt want to bring it up but it felt like there was something pushing int o your bottum

“yeah dude just got a boner its all chill”

“oh ok cool”

and that was that.

* * *

it was lunch time once again, but this time it was extra long lunc h cuse the writer of this story needed a reson for you to socialiez more

a girl with long curley long black long hair swam up to you, she looked like a fukcing prep.

“Hello, my names ferris wheel!” She exclaimed cheerly

you whip out your hands and sign in american sign language that your names john egbird” she understands

“hey john, im guessing youre deaf?”

“yeah i am, been all my life.” you blush and look away because wow dave was hot

when you turn your head back around shes gone, oh.

after you eat your lettuce you decide to walk around the school, it would be nice to know your way around so you dont get lost like you do every day even thougt his is only your second day here you still get lost though dont you look at me like that.

You pass by a closed door, the sound of “yes, yes, yES [YES](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyqUj3PGHv4&feature=youtu.be)” echoes throughout the halls. From outside you can see colorufl lights flasshing from that room. Jst what in the world is going on in there? You wonder out loud.

Shyly and shotay, you open the door, your eyes widen at the sight. Inside the room is a smoke machine, lights going a mile a minute, loud music with a nice steady beat, and a bunch of half naked guys dancing.

But oh no, these arent just any normal dancing guys, in the front, youre guessing their leader, is a handosme man with blonde animu hair. hE ALSO WEARS pointy shades that makes your dick hurt.

Behind him is an older guy, who seems like the odler version of the leader from a different universe, except hes wearing a hat, mmhh.

Theres also a kid, who kind of looks like you but green, hes wearing the bootyest shorts youve ever seen like holy shit he got the booty and some guns.

Then you see dave, you feel your heart throb loudly in your chest, hollyyy shitttt. Yuo can see his abs and you dont think youre gonna survive

next tot he gay leader is the guy who first showed you to your class, you rthink his names korkot, korkot vontos.

korkot vontos is really working it, hes yesing really hard, almost out of control. dirk screams beside him as he continues to dance

“YES YES YES YES YES YES YES OH MY GOD KROTKOT YOURS YESINGTOO HARD STOP IT!”

said karkts thrusting intensifies, he begins to fall to the floor and dies.

“NNOOOOOO YOU YESSED TO HARD, GUYS WE NEED TO BRING HIM BACK.”

the dancing men behind him all scream “YESSS” and they begin to thrust in pace with the steady beat. they thrust faster and faster while screaming yes, the leader wth the pointy face spots you peaking in the doorway.

“well well well look who we have here” he wiggles his eyebrows at you

you blink oh god he saw you, as youre about to not say something dave comes to your rescue

“lay off dirt, this ass is mine i claimed it 5 years ago.”

dirj LIFTS HIS HANDS NI DEFEAT “CALM DOWN BUDDY I ALREADY GOT SOME CHOICE ASS WHO GOES BY THE NAME OF ENGLISSHH”

you hear him roll the r in english for emphesis, damn.

“john what are you oding here?!?” dave screams in

you shrug “i was just wondering around and then krort died!”

he places a hand on your shoulder that makes your face be the tomtaote

“its okay, we’re gona get him back, you can help us!”

dave steder guides yuo into the room since yourree blind, he positions your limbs into place and beigins chanting yes, “yes yes yes YES YES YES YES JUST LIKE THAT JOHN YOURE DOING GREAT OH OGD”

you thrust along with the others, and you see krokrt shuffle a little.

as your thrusting continues he rises, alive once more, you feel your eyes begin to water because you did it.

“YES YESYEYSE YSEYS “katkit rises and thrusts with you, then he snaps his fingers and the fog, music, and lack of clothes disapear.

everyone is sitting in desks discussing schoolwork likethat just didnt happen

You walk around the courtyard and se a puppet wathicn you from a tree. youre guessing its name is cal since “cal ” is on its shirt.

Ferris Wheel is chatting with a hipster fish by the fountain and you blush. THen you see the sweaty guy frmo yesturday talking with a ram girl and you blush. Then you see a girl eating choke away from everyone else and you blush, damn shes deep throating that red motherfucker.

Speaking of motherfucker, out of no where a unicycle falls from the sky.

You stop in place and look horrifed, what the fuck does this unicycle thinnk its doing you wERE WALKING! OGOD

then a clown backgriprs down from a tree and onto the unicrylve

“didnt mean to all up and SCRAE YOUb ROTHER” he honks his horn for effect

“um….” you blush because that horn honking really is sugestive youre not gay though

“me too.” you stares you dead  in the eyes and slowly unicycles backwards into the bushes, never breaking contact.

“wow.” You play with the frills on your maid outfit becuse ou are very nervous and mute.

* * *

lunch endend and youre in class then its over dave had another boner you felt it on you yOU GUYS CONNECTED AND BONDED

* * *

asyou lay in bed you recall ferris piexes and sigh, she had long hair.


	3. the play date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john goes voer daves house and dirk makes his move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank yo ufor all the good reviiews and for those asking if im a troll, i am not, if i were a troll i would have grey skin and horns thank you for reminding me of what i can never be.

you and plop dowon on daves bed and he swirls around in his comptue chair, theres an awkeward tension between you which may be because of the position youre currnetly in. Your skitt is up and your legs are sprad aapart you walk into class like usual and go over to sit on daves lap. The others have pretty much gotten sued to this and the teacher doesn’t seem to care where you sit. That fact only proven more as the creepy kid on the unicycle you crossed paths with yesturday wheels in and proceeds to crawl up the wall. He pearches in the corner where the walls and ceiling meet and chills there. You shudder wow that clown kids fucking creepy youre about to ask dave about him when he

"yo bro, wanna hang out after school"? you turn around so youre straddling his haps and blush. Hang out? With _the_   **DAVE STUVER!?**

"y-yes" you say because your mute.

"sweet" He leans in to fist bunp you, and you shakily fist bump his shoulder, which earns you a smirk.

* * *

ITS LUNCH ABOUT GAAGA

You walk over to your usal table where youre pretty familair with the kids from your class that sit htere. Daces necks to you like everyday and across from you is ferris wheel. She smiles warmly at you and you swear she has it out for you. Besides her in a fish tank is eric dan amporna. No one seems to be paying attention to the fact that hes naked but oka sweet more hot bod for you to check out no homo.

Next to the mermaid pair is Neckquius. He sits tall and proud, his neck arms flexing with each move. Nepyeta lays sprawled out on one of his neck arms, and is brushing one of neckquius” normal arms iwth her tail. You wish you had some neck arms.

YOU STAR4E longiNGly at those neckarms glistening in the light but youre lustful thoughts are interrupted as the cafeteria doors shoot open. The doors are literally ripped off their hinges as a huge parade float rides in. One either side of the rainbow float is a marching band playing very loudly. AS You study the float more you recongize what its supposed to resemble. its the creepy puppet that was wathcing you from the tree, its name was CAL you recall. The giant cal float is fully inside the cafe now, and the band mebers music begins to resemble a steady beat you’d find in a club. On topo f the float is dirg stroder. He is thrusting wildly, huge like he was yesutydrda. Club music begsns to wash out the band music, and the band members throws their instruments behind them,. They then rip off their clothes and dance around the flaot.

"I HAVE ARRIVED FELLOW CLASSMATES, IT IS I, **DIRK STRIDER: DI** ** _CK RID_** _ER_! _”_

He shouts as loud as he can and jumps down from the flaot, he gets in seductive pose and slides across the table your sitting at, knocking everyones food away as he does. You blush becasue you get hard ones for dramatic entrances.

He stops in front of you and stis on the table in front of you. His foot teasingly nudginsg yours off the edge. He cross his legs and stares at you and you feel his eyes trace the lace on your skirt. you blush.

"Well howdy there". he says and winks, you blink and look over to dave for hehelp, You have no idea what do to in this sutiaton.

Before dave can reply dirks slides down from the table onto you, and straldlse your hips. He leans close in your eye and whispesses “Save a horse, ride a cowbyo"

"OkAY that Is enougH!" Davis says as he pulls you away from behind,causeing his brother to fall on the groundd. He does a backflip to get back up and you note how felxible he is, you blush.

"W-what are youdoing?! you stammer"

"whats it look like hot shot, tryin to get me some egbesh ass semi colon right paranthesis sign"

Dave nods in approve at the usee of dirhs ;)

"I told you yesutday bro, i claimed it 7 years ago, hes mine so back off."

You giggle and blsush.

Drik squints his eyes over his shades “this sitn over, i will claim that booty."

"yeah id like to se you try."

You cant help but be a little offended at danes comment, you cant see becusase your mute! Rude~!

The dick rider then somersaults away out the window of the cafe ertia, glass shatters all around you.

* * *

Back in clas your’y packcing up, and dave stumber shimies towarsds you.

"Sooo about after school aka right the fuck now, do you acempt?"

You mod because you cant talk since you were born with it, it was not maybelline. A blush creeps its way on your face, oh god you hope dave doesnt see!

He smirles at you and picks up you bridal style, not before succefully groping your booty.

"d-dave!" is it hot in here or is it just you

"what?

" he replies cooly

y"ou just.. " John begins fanning his face hot damn.

* * *

you and plop dowon on daves bed and he swirls around in his comptue chair, theres an awkeward tension between you which may be because of the position youre currnetly in. Your skitt is up and your legs are sprad aapart nd dave is staring right at your crotch.

"so what do you wanna do bro?" Dave asks and licks his lips

You stand up, its alredy 2 am oh no. “I think its about time i go." you sign with your fingers.

Dave wawtches your fingers and wheels voer in the chair in front of you, he slowly takes your index fingers in his mouth and sucks

You stare in a mix of horror and amsuement. You feel your cheeks heat up and your knees feel like jelly benauth you. ‘W-whats he doing!?- you think, damn this fels good.

If you weren’t so preoccupied with dave mouth fukcking your fingers, you would have noticed the anime shades watching you from outside the window..

* * *

**TO BE CONTINEYES**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a cliff hanger! stay tuned for some english next chapter semi colon right paranthesis sign


	4. dIRK: hatch a plann

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapater is in dirk-samas point of veiw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY YALL POV WILL BE SWITIN THOURGHT CHAPATER
> 
> please tell me if i portrayed his character well!  
> also i am goonana try and type proepperaly since dirk is a proper man dude

your name is dirk-chan and you are currently SEETHING WITH RAGE outside your bros window.

HOW dare he get hte mack on with that shotas fingers! You claimed that ass 3 years aho what does he THINJ HEs doING)

_**AN: here we go** _

You jam your hands inside your pants and take our your walkie talkie. And by walkie talkie you mean a small portable radio link (receiver and transmitter) what did you think I meant you pervert. You call up your best gurl Jade-chan. You two always go the shopping together.

"Jade, we have a situation."

"Situations, are irreleveant now?" Jade replies.

"Affirmative."

"She loves the way that I tease  
I love the way that she breathes  
  
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/e/escape_the_fate/" Jade breathes heavily into the other end.

"Jade shut the fuck up for five sec-"

"(Whoa) Darling, what is going on?  
Honestly that never happened  
Lying is your favorite passion  
  
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/e/escape_the_fate/"

You throw the walkie talkie against a tree Jade is not helping right now with her fucking sleeping with sirens bullshit.

A moan brings you back to reality as you look inside the window. Dave is naked and pinning John againest the corner cicada style. Even though you're mad at him for stealin your man, he sure knows how to seduce like a true stroder.

A frown finds its way towards your lips when you glance at shotabert. He actually seems to be enjoying it. Oh goG JOHN HATES YOU HE JUST USED YOU FOR YOUR BROTHER YOU FEEL SICK.

You stumble away from your hiding area and wonder towards the park where you sit on a bench and grief over your loss of the egbooty. You wanted to tap that so hard, but your bro got to him first. UrhgHgRRh rGHRrR *angry sounds*

* * *

<\-- ; be JONK EGBRIT

you are the JONK and you are curretlnty huddled against the corner of davis room. It started with a kiss how idid it endup like htis?!

* * *

dIRK: JEALOUSY TURNRING SAINTS INT OT HE SEA

* * *

joh: it was oNLY A KISS IT WAS ONLY A KISS, and now you are being cicada ssecued holy fukcing shit dAVE IS NAKED IN FRONT OF YOU YOU CANT DO THIS

HIs junk is right in frony of youe teeeth you feel the vibrations pulse thorughotu the room with your shota senses and you arent going to last much longer.

Youre close and daver knows it.

* * *

dirk-kun: SWIMING THROUGH SICK LULLABIIESS

CHCOKING ONYOUR ALLBIEIS

* * *

+>> BE DAVE STRADER.

Youre name is dave strocker and your finally doing it. you are going to woo johg egbump. You began the ritual by suckin off his digits. digits. digits.

Then he p much melted in your arms, you lulled him into the coernr theN BAM RIPPED OFF THE THINGS RISTICTING YOU FROM BEING FREE

Now you find yourself thrusing in johns face in the corner, at first he resemeled a puppy who just got kicked in the face, but hten he became morel ike

* * *

dirk- s-senpai: BUT ITS JSUT THE PRICE I PAY

DESTINY IS CALLLLING MEE

OPENE UP MY EAGER EYYEES

CAUSE IM MR RBIGHTSIDE

* * *

* * *

D--> Be Jake English, The Booty Master.

Your doo diddly name is jake english, and you have earned the title booty master, your shorts, oh so short, show off your plush rump very well. Men and woman alike swoon at the sight of it, and now you prowl the park, in search of your next victim.

You find yourself climbing, more like grinding, a tree when you hear someone screaming the lyrics to are we human or are we dancers by marolin mansion near by.

Oh boy now does that tickle your hoo haa!

"Mmmh mmhh, yes, very well." You whispa in her ear.

Lil Mama nods her head in agreement, good shes got your back on this one, you could always count on Lil Mama.

* * *

John: ejaulate

Your name is john egdaddy (SENAPI PLZ) and you jsut ejejaclited everywhere for the first time in your live but youre not gay though.

Daavis eyes wideden when you did the  thing with your thingy, and yeah.

* * *

^^: Bro Strider: Evaluate the situation.

Your name is Bro Strider, and you just witnessed your lil bro get off his maid friend. You always thought it was Dirk who was into this sort of thing, but hey it is pretty kinky you get some Dave I'm so proud of you.

You, the reader, are probably wonder how and why you, Bro Strider, are watching this sexy time take place. Well the answer to that is simple friends,

* * *

Be ==< Porrim Pyrope.

Wait what?

Why is Porrim even in this story its not even

what i

And she wouldn't even be able to contribute to the plot since she is currently inside Bro Stiders pants.

* * *

==) Dave stryder: L-l-l-l-l-l-l-l--ll-like a lollipop

Make her want to lick the EGBERT BOOTY

And so you do.

* * *

John-: oh gDeAR GOD WHY

Dave has just bent over and licked your bottom. Why is this happeni- wait.

oh.

_oh._

* * *

Dick Rider: finish singing your heart out to evenecase in the park>

You just finished griefing over the loss of egbort, the first human to steal your kokoro, but now you are happy to say you are completely over him.

You dont even want that booty anymore ew gross davis licked that shit.

But wait, whats this? A shuffling in the distance? You quickly get on your dick and crawl around the premisus to investigate.

* * *

Be booty queen: Jakey En **g** lis

Oh crikey! This is just the tea to your crumpet the young lad who was a singing is making his way over to you!

You feel a warmth pool towards that area where it usually pools when gramma dunks her cracker in her tea.

Except your gramma is dead.

Oh.

Anyways, he's coming closer you must get your booty ready.

You thrust in place five times, all good that outta get her ready!

* * *

Dirkr: meet _~him_

  
_**Boy: Now I've had the time of my life** _   
_**No I never felt like this before** _   
_**Yes I swear it's the truth** _   
_**and I owe it all to you** _

_**  
**_You stare into his green googly eyes behind your kickass animu shades. Holy ufkcign shit your kokoro is doing doki doki you are blushin like a fucking bishie sakura blossoms are blowing behind you and you shakily hand him your confession letter.

This is the perfect time to do this, you both just retrieved your anime shoes from your anime locker at your anime school. Hes taking the letter oh kaMISAMA!

* * *

Jake-= introdcue yourself like a proer gentlebooty

"Tally ho good sir! I am the one called Jake English."

"H-hello Jake, my name's Dirk-chan."

You smile fondly at him, he is quite the looker if you do say so yourself.

* * *

You want to touch it.

You want to touch it so bad.

It is right there you are so close.

It's the perfect booty.

So fucking rump it can't even compare to your smuppet collection.

(Dirk==> Be mesmorized by Jake booty._)

You slowly reach out a hand and give it a firm squeeze.

Jake shudders into your touch, yes. He's a keeper.

"Jake, I want to introduce you to my folks."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dUND udnD DUUUUNNNN
> 
> WILL JAKE ACCEPT DIRK-CHANS INVIATION?  
> WILL JOHN EVER ESCAPE DAVES STRACKERS FINGERS AND/OR TOUNGE?  
> WILL PORRIM EVER GET OUT OF BROS PANTS?  
> AND WILL KORKOT VONTOS RIDE THE FERRIS WHEEL?
> 
> FIND OUT NEXT CHAPATERR!!  
> revieieww~~~


	5. author: eat butterschotch cnady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mmhmhmmmh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello fellow viewers i am eating the butterstoch candy its so good dont you fuckin say its just for old people and they sneak them in their grandchildrens pockets then when thye kid gets home they b like ooohh gramma roll their eyes then whip the candy at the wall or some shit no butterscotch candys the fucking shit ill fight you

Korkot reached out a shaky had towards her pants. He was nervous, this was the first time he'd done this. Her top was already off, and Korkots face flushed when he lifted his head back up.

"T-this is the first time I've went this far.."

Ferris Wheel put a finger to his lips. "It's alright baby, I'll be gentle."

Ferris Bueller then pulled Korkot on top of her. There lower regions connecting. The lights came on, the worker shut the door to their cart. And the ferris wheel began turning.

Korkot Vontos was riding the Ferris Wheel.

* * *

==> Be Davick Strader

Your name is Davic STODer and you just finished eating John.

He was a trembling mess underneath you moments ago, and now he is laying there panting.

"D-Dave, you jsut.. " John lazily breathes out.

"I know, you say cooly cause youre cool as fuck."

John signs at a few thing since he is mute, he can not talk.

* * *

Now you are ojonh and holy fukicg shit dave just oh my ohgdo  m yg you are internally freaking otu right now.

A quick rundown of what just happened is:

-daveh took you to his house

-he sucked yur digits

-dave stripped and pushed you in the corner

-he crawlsed up the wall and humped your face

-i t turned you on and he saw

-shorty then got low and did the thing he did with your digits but to your thigny

Now he is getting dressed, with apple bottom jeans, and boots with the fur.

No shirt though, and you would like it to stay that way youre not a homosexual.

* * *

i ran out of butterscotch candies im really upset over this guys

* * *

"I accept your invitaion."

You are Dick Rider and you are currently squealing right now the booty just said yes.

You then lean in and make out with Jake American.

* * *

Well oh my (insert name of british god here) the dirk fellow is caressing your lips with his own!

You feel your face get hot and he backs you up against the tree you were previously climbig on.

Then you remember you're still in the park oh dang it you really hope no one sees this cause thIS IS INAPPROPRIATE!

* * *

\--> Small child: Be dissturbed

Ok what the fuck is this shit, you came here to just play in the sandbox and you look to the left and in the distance you see these fucking guys getting it on against a tree that is fuckin sick there are children here yourself included you are never coming back here you are scarred for life and need therapy.

* * *

You are now Dirk, and you have Jake pinned aGAINST THE TREE THIS IS SO HOT

As you both continue playing tonsil hocket you feel his tHICKENING MEMBER against your own THICKENING MEMBER.

You break away for air tell me how im supposed to breathe with no air no aiiirrr and he gasps at the contact.

"D-Dirk.." He begins, "y-you ca-"

You cut him off my grinding into him.

"Bloody 'ell." His eyes roll behind his head.

Heh you have him right where you want him, this booty will be yours.

"Dirk, p-please.. I can't"

Oh fuck now you are NOT LETTIGN ANOTHER BOOTY LEAVE YOU,!"!"

"wHy th efuck NOT!" You are close to hysterics.

"Because i-"

You cut him off again by nibbling his necKarms and he looses it. There is a big flash of light and you are hurdled backwards.

* * *

Dave Sroder: Shorty.

You had them Apple Bottom Jeans [Jeans].

Boots with the fur [With the fur].

The whole club lookin at you  
  
Read more: [T PAIN - APPLE BOTTOM JEANS LYRICS](http://www.metrolyrics.com/apple-bottom-jeans-lyrics-t-pain.html#ixzz2XV0HTYZ2).

You just sucked Joni off and you really like this kid he can stay. Soon youll have him pya you bac kthough its only fair winky face

"I'll be right back~" You need some apple juice that was intense

You make yourr way out into the living room and walk right into Bro manly chest.

Youre not blushing you are definitly not blushing right now.

"Sup lil' man."

"Hey bro.." you gulp.

"Nice job" he winks at you

"Y-you saw?!?" HOW THE UFCK ID HE SSE??! YOU SWEar Y u LOCkedtdh dor?!

"I did it was really hot and I'm proud of you. " THen he wraps his yaoi hands around you and hugs you.

You really hOPE he DOeSNt FEEL you eriction

"You okay there bro?" He asks

"Umhmhm.." ufkcfuCKcFUCK fuCK

Then he lifts your chin up and kisses you. Many thoughts whirl throug hyour heads uch as, "oh my god johns right in the other room what if he sees?! and the age difference oh my.. am i the sub in this relationship fuck."

You kiss your brother back and its really hot.

He breaks away and when your eyes flutter open he's gone.

You stumble into the kitchen and get aj while fanning your face.

* * *

==< Be the Bro

You just locked lips with your lil bro SCORE.

You flashed stepped away because you can and left a little suprise for the mute boy.

* * *

John: be terrified.

You finally composed yourself and out of no where the fuCKING PUPPET IN THE TREE IS IN FRONT OF YOU.

Yeah his nmes lil cal and at closer inspeciton you see he has a snazzy gold tooth what a fukcing pimp.

HOYL UFCKING SHIT DID IT JUST TALK1?!

"Uh, hi."

"what about it/?"

You dont respond because yOU HAVE!!!!!!!

that was one sexy puppet, you pick him up and make out with it.

Lil cal is a really good kisser and you really get into it because your mute.

* * *

* * *

**Jake Englong: Transform**

Dirk nibbling and sucking your neck along with the movement by your groiin was too much.

You can feel it starting you tried to warn him you really did.

_He's cool, he's hot like the frozen sun_

There is a big flash of light and you feel dirl fall backwards from the insenity of it

_He's young, and fast, he's the chosen one_

Claws eruprt from where your nails once where, and a tail begins to form behidn you

_People, we're not braggin'_

SCales whoosh down your body and you can no longer see human skin, your snout appears and your hair turns green

_He's the American Dragon_

When the light disapears you see dikrs shocked face, he knows your true form.

_He's gonna stop his enimies with his dragon powers_  
Dragon teeth, dragon tail, burnin' dragon fire   
Real live wire

"Dirk,.. I can explain"

__  
American Dragon!  
American Dragon!   
American Dragon!   
  
(instrumental)   
  
American Dragon!   
American Dragon! 

"I'm waiting."

"Well.. you see,"

__  
He's the American Dragon!  
(Freestyle with the dragon!)   
  
His skills are getting faster, with Grandma Harley!  
His destiny, will walk up streets   
Showtime,baby,for the legacy!

"When I experience intense contact like moments ago, i transform into this."

_American Dragon!_  
(From the J to the A)   
American Dragon!   
(to the K to the E! I'm the Mackdaddy Dragon)   
American Dragon!   
(of the United Kingdom! Ya heard?)   
American Dragon!

"I see.."

"I understand if you want to leave me, i havent been able to keep any lovers because of this."

"Leave you?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!"

You blink at him, and swoosh your tail side to side.

"This is all I've ever wanted, now I can be like my animes."

He removes a samurai sword from his swtrife speeicibus and jumps on your back.

"Ride into the night!" Dirk readies his sword in front of him.

You flap your swings, and youre off.

Dirk is riding you.

* * *

B--> Bro: Obtain the strider D

That kiss with Dave was only the begging, you have more in store for that shota.

Thats right, shota, you've seen his true colors. You know what he really is.

When he finishes his apple juice you flash step in front of him..

"Dave, I know you want this."

"I don't know what you're talking abotut." He blushses shotaly.

You move your yaoi arm towards his shoulder, but before youcan he pulls it down along with you and then youre kissing again.

* * *

Dvvae: do the do with your bro

You just pulled him down for another smooch fiNALLY yOUve WantEd THIs ASS fOR so LONG now>

You realize your fate, youre going to be a sub.

You've been used to being the dom for so long now.. with john and all..

but youre ready, you can do this.

You snap your fingers and you are no longer int he kitchen, instead it is all pink and flowers and other kawii shit floats all around you.

You break away and blink up at him with huge sparkley eyes and blush.

"B-Bro senpai.."

"What is it, Dave-sama?"

"Take me now."

And he does. He pounds you right then and there and maybe you can get used to being a sub..

* * *

John: have feelings for a puppet

Its been over 10 minteues and youre still kissing him you dont even need to stop to breathe this puppet is so magical.

But then HEs ogne what is TIHS?

You sign furiously in american sign language you cant talk.

Youre.. kokoro.. why is it beating so loudly? Is it because of lil cal?

But what about dave?!? anD wHAT abOUt your hetrosexualitly?!?!!?!!!!!?/1!?!?!?!!

* * *

Diirk: ride that dragon mmhmh damn girl

You're riding a fucking dragon this is so badass you are so badass

and you mean that in mroe ways than one, a moment ago you were riding on jakes back, but now he landed in a field somewhere and has transformed back into ah uman.

"Jake, I want to deflower you, but how would that work in dragon form?"

"I dont think it can.. im afraid this wont be bale to work out" he looks close to tears

"DONT SAY THAT, HERE LET ME TRY THIS.."

you take out the stabilizing orb from your pocket, you nkew this would come in handy some day

"hrer, eat this.'

Jake slowly takes it in his mouth and swalooers you have a boner.

You lean in and kisshim, aND HE STAYS A HUMAN!

"What was that?!"

"it wiill help, now you can transfrom whenever you want!"

He tests it out and is now from america aka he is the dragon.

"thnak you so muc hdirk ohymgod!"

"its worth it for that booty" jake blushes at that.

You then proceed to ride him in the field its so amazing he has such a great ass.

* * *

==+ Porrom Maryan, escpae bros pants

Finally, you are free. When Bro took of his pants to ram his brother, you could escape.

Its been so long since yuo've seen the o+tside world, fresh air smells so good.

You stumble out the front door and make your way back to alternia, you have a long journey ahead of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wE;LL there Is it chapater 5, revieW aND MAKe SUGGESTIONS FOR tHINGS YOU WANT TO SEE NEXT CAHTEPER, I MAY ADD THEM!


	6. guess whos back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so much shit goes down in this chapater like daaaAAAAMMMMMMNNN  
> new characters introduced  
> relationships thicken  
> other things thicken  
> shits intense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello im back its been like what ten days since i updated this fic hahaha totoally didnt forgetabout it or anything  
> but oyhmgd so i was rereadin it so i remmebred what the fuck was going on and im laughing so fucking hard im so hilrious i loveme

AN: also character refs so you know what youre looking at

[rose lalomp](http://images.wikia.com/disney/images/1/15/American_Dragon_Jake_Long_Adjl_The_Academy_3_3_-_VidoEmo_-_Emotional_Video_Unity2.jpg) [dave stodoer](http://www.stilettosetsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/bend_and_snap.jpg) [neckuquis+nepta](http://24.media.tumblr.com/cf65a5681fb32c30abb8ae9072ad0c97/tumblr_moar26CyII1qbdjeho1_1280.png) and [korkot vontos](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbfenwafX61qll56b.png) than kyu

* * *

"Bueller."

Silence.

"Bueller."

A girl in the second row blows a bubble from her gum.

"Bueller."

"Bueller."

"Bueller."

"Bueller."

"Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris Wheel pass out on Korkot last night. I guess it's pretty serious.

"Thank you, Simone."

"No problem whatsoever."

* * *

The year is no longer 1980 and youre name is gamzee kamara.

class has jsut been dismissed, and you pedal your unicyle out the door,

You wait br tavfors lockakr, your gonna make your move today, gonna smear that grape jelly all over that peanut butter mmmh yeah

you lip your licks at the thought, but then quickly take our your pocket mirror and check if you fuckded up your makeup

nope youre good, you wink at your reflection.

"g-gamzo?"

"well hey theRE lIttLE moTeHF ucKER" you rePLY as atvtos appears befire you

"uh,,,,,,,,"

"yEs?"

",,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,y

youre in the way of ymy locker,,"

"wEll DMAn Im sOrYR bbaBY cAKES" you wheel over so the fuckin jail bate can get his shit

Tvamov moves in to get his books and his giant horn impales you in the face

"MotHErUKCEr OH hSIT oyOGM WHAt HTE UfCK oyu rEALLy NEED tO gET THose htings SAWeD OFFoH oGD" blood pools on the floor from your wound this is a new feeling.

"gAMMMIE IM SO SORRY,, O,H, WOW THATS A LIT OF BLODO,,,,,,,,, DO YOU UH, NEED TO SEE THE , NURSE,,"

You unicalcycle away fuck this shit gamtav sunk you aint got time for thisugh being a clown is hard hONK.

anywags.. you have bettter people to see, more specificlly...

_her_

* * *

\---+> John, you are him.

Youre now joNg ebMIRT annd youre at your locker getting things to leave the school thing, as you move some papers out of the way a pencil falls to the floor, oh my.

you may need to bend over for this one...

just as youre about to though, dave studer swoops in and goe s to pick it upo, you blush.

as hes still bent over, pen in hand, you hear the words "bend" ghost across his lips

you tilt your shota heda to the side.. whatis he plaototing?

"AND SNAP"" dave wuickly snaps up, hands perched on his sides, his sun glasses go flying off his face backwards as well as his clothes.

the naked form in front of you hands you back your ruler, and you blush as his hand lingers on yourss. as yours about to pull away, he forcfully grabs your arm and directs it towards his junk. you scream but nothing comes out. you are mute.

"D-Dave!!!!!!!"

"Shh shh shh." He slowllyy guides your hands then pulls away.

You blush furiouslyly as he speaks, "I'll let you take control this time , do anythin you want, as long as you dont bend and snap it."

You then grab his dick and yank him forward, engulfing his lips with yours youre not gay though.

* * *

=> Your name is DIRK STRIDER: DICK RIDER and as you take off your cowboy hat, you relish in the fact that you have a motherukcing draGO N BOYFRIEND LIKE HOYL SHIT

Todays the day your gonna show him to yer folks, hoopfuly hrey wil accept him for what he is you love him so.

"jAKE" yu screech into his draagon ear, youre currently sleepin on his dragon form his eye opens and he becomes human once more did that ryhme holy shit i think i just unintentionally rapped? form...more... mmhhh.. maybe..

i mean if you pronounce more the right way it works ahem anyways

ameriannca drogogn jake LONG if you get what im impling stirs wawake, human.

"hello dirk." He leans forward and you do the lip thing.

"We should be headed back soon.. I want you to meet my people."

"Yes sure thing, tallo hoo!" He spreads his wings, sadly not his thighs, and you're off, having not left that feild weere you took his v card.

* * *

==> Porrim: Wander the Earth streets.

It has been about an hour since you escaped the hell known as Bro Striders pants. You have no clue how to get back to Alternia, and so far the people you've asked think you're crazy. The Texan heat is taking its toll, you wish you had money for water. AN: hoOLY FUCKING SHIT THERES AN ANT NEAR MY FOOT WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE THERESO MANYANTS NEAR ME I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS LIKE YOU KNOW HOW DAVE GOT HIS CROWS I HAVE FUCKING ANTS UGH WHY You spot a lake up ahead, and decide to make good use of it. You seductivly strip and hop in, ahh this felt refreshing.  OJHOFHDJYPDJYPDFJYHMHDPF JUMOHFJ O JYP IFOHM OHNFODHD IM ACTUALLY OGING TO CRY OHYMOGD PLEASE SOMEONE FUCK OK OK OK SO I SEE THE FUKCIN ANT AGAIN AND ITS BOLTING AWAY CARRYING A FUKCING DEAD ANT ISNT THAT CANNABLISM DO ANTS EVEN DO THAT AND THEN AS IM WATCHING IN HORROR A FUKCING SPIDER MAKES ITS WAY ACROSS THE BATTLEFIELD OH MY I WHAT IN THE FUKC IS THIS SHIT IM ACTUALLY SCEREAMING THE SPIDERS TOO FAST ITS GONE AND MY CAT JUST RUNS IN ALL IMMA SAVE YOU AS I SOB WITH MY CHOCLATE DID SHE GET IT I DONT FUKCING KNOW AND THE ANTS JUST SITTING THERE GNAWING ON THE BODY OF ITS FALLEN BROTHER THIS WORLD IS FUCKING SICK. Unaware to you, THE ANT ITS LEAVING, ITS STUMBLING AWAY OH MY GOD IS IT OK, ITS JUST FUKCING ON ITS BACK AND WIGGLING ITS LIMBS IN THE AIR WHATIN THE FUCK I THINK ITS BOOTY IS BROCKEN, LIKE THE LAST LITTLE LUMP THAT MAKES UP THE 3 LUMPS O F AN ANT ITS LIKE DRUNK WHAT IN THE FUCK IS HAPPENING THE DEAD ANTS JUST LAYING THERE AAAAAAAND DEFORMED ANTS GONE Unaware to you there is something watching yNOE ONPEOPNOPE NOPONPEP ITS NEAR MY FOOT IT IS LIKE A CM CLOSE OK OKOK HOLD UP OK ITS DEAD I KILLED IT WITH MY IPOD DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES THATS WHAT YOU GET ANT HANNIBAL LECTER

Unaware to you there is something watching you from the depths of the lake. Actually, more like someone watching you. Hue Hue Hue.

* * *

Gmmze: find _her_

There she was, her tail swished in the distance, and for once she was by herself. You wearily appracoh mempets your clubs ready to strike in case things go south, which you doub t since your in texas cant get much souther huh

unless things go to south america

then everyones screwed

"Npepta?" She turns to the sound of her name

"What the fuck do you want Hamzee."

"You don't have to go up and all call me a motherfuckin earth meat but ok."

"Just get on :3 with it!"

"I may need some honkin advice kitty cat."

"Purrvice? On what??"

You take a deep breathin, "Shipping."

Neptapat blows up.

* * *

==> Lil Cal.

_ All around me are familiar faces _

_ Worn out places, worn out faces _   
  
_Read more:[GARY JULES - MAD WORLD LYRICS](http://www.metrolyrics.com/mad-world-lyrics-gary-jules.html#ixzz2YYAJzgNS)_

You are perched in a tree, looking at the world. Your heart continues to beat at a rapid pace, the rush from kissing shota boy still lingers in your soul. At first it felt right, it felt so right and you so badly wanted to believe.. but it just, wasn't right. You didn't feel anything _click_. Even as he shoved his inexperienced tongue down your nut cracker-like jaws, it wasn't exactly what you were looking for. So you fled, the second you knew it wouldn't work out you left him hanging. You feel a little bad, but he'll get over it, they always do..

_ And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad _

_ The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had _   
  
_Read more:[GARY JULES - MAD WORLD LYRICS](http://www.metrolyrics.com/mad-world-lyrics-gary-jules.html#ixzz2YYBj2RqC)_

You know they're out there, somewhere. Your true love.

_ I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take _

_ When people run in circles its a very, very _   
  
_Read more:[GARY JULES - MAD WORLD LYRICS](http://www.metrolyrics.com/mad-world-lyrics-gary-jules.html#ixzz2YYBp7rxY)_

You just haven't met them yet, but someday. Oooh someday you will, you're sure of it.

_ Mad world, mad world _

Your name is Lil Cal, and your addiction to The Sims 2 has made you a hopeless romantic.

* * *

 ~The Strider Household: Where all hell breaks loose~

* * *

Dvae Stojer: take johj home acagain

school has ended, your clothes have found their way back to your body, and youre bringi john back t oyour place again hopefully for some round two semi colon right parenthesis sign

YOU WATCH BEHINDY OUR SHADES AS HE GRIPS THE ENDS OF HIS MAID DRESS, AWW HE LOOKS NERVOUS HOW ADORABLE AND VULERNABLE OF him.

You place a reassuring hand on his butt and gaze into his eyes. "Johp, its j."

"T-Thank you Dave." He signs in american sign language, tears in his eyes."

He is so adorbale you so badly want to hold him close and fuck his brains out but now is not the time for your desires because apprently your bro is bringnig his boytoy ove r for everyone to meet. Oh my this should be good.

As if on cue, the front door of your texan apparent,ement shoots open. Standing there in the flesh, and only a thong, is your brother

He gives you a nod in acknowlagement, which you return.

"Still trin to claim my egbooty as your own?"

He rolls his eyes over his shades, like his shades are under his eyes, which are pulling a miku and being rolling girl, at your comment. "Oh please, I have my own ass now, one much better might I add."

"You fuckin take that back."

"Why should I? Its true, and you'll agree with me once I see it."

"W-wait.. what about my ass?" You mute to them.

Dirk glares at you. "Fuck you jonk."

"WHAT DID I DO!??!!?!" You SCSREAM BECAUSE YOUR MUTE YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND!

"You broke my kokoro, but ive moved on, so dont come crawling back to me, youre not worth it."

You sob into daves shoulder, who rubs your back comfortbingly.

"your such a douchebag dirf"

"woAH WOAH WHATS THE HUBBUB KIDS?!" Says Bro Strider as he surf boards through the room.

"dirkkrs bein a dick" Dave replies to his lover

"Well I'd hope, I raised you all to be the biggest homkos texas has ever seen yall."

"AHEM." Dick rider clears his throat, "ID LIEK to intrtoduce yall to my boo." he flips his animu hair and snaps his finers. a young lad appears in the doorway. He wears booty shorts and a leather vest.

"Hello chums!"

Bros jaw drops, and you stand there silently shaking.

"Dave.. wahts wrong?" Johu tells you in braille.

Butyou cant reply, youve lost the words, fuck dirkrk may have one upped you here. ugGHH YOULL GET HIM Abckc LAter by ufkcing BRo

"Daveh, Brop, I'd leik you to meet Jkae NElish. JAde, these are my folks." 

Jade Harley smiles a good toothed grin, and waves a timid hand at you. "iTs an honor to meett the peoples who raised my dirky jerky."

Jake places a sassy hand on his hip, which jutts to the side as he does so, holy ufcking shit that booty. It seems Bro is thinking the same thoughts since you begin to hear a familiar song play in the distance.

With these **hungry eyes**  
One look at you and I can't disguise   
I've go **t hungry e** yes   
I feel the magic between you and I

Bro striders up to jaKE And places a firm hand on his shoulder. "Would you like to see my smuppet?"

"w..what."

Bro leans in close and whispers in his ear. "I said, would you. like to. see my smuppet?"

"Golly.." Jake begins to shake, youre probably seeing things, but is he.. glowing?

"BRO NO!" Dirk shouts from his spot next to him, he slaps jake acoss the face. "I THOUGHT THE STABILIZAING ORB WORKED?!?"

"I'm trying to control it as hard as i can but..." his virbrant green eyes linger over Bros form and the glowing intensifies.

"Ok guys, well I wasnt gonna show you this side of jabooty til later but.. this is who he really is.."

"dirl what the fuckare you talkin about what going on" you inquiree

"im so oncfused" joHN says john is mute.

Before anyone can say another word, the light becomes to strong, even wit hyour everpresent shades, and everyone is foreced to shield their eyees.

_ American Dragon... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh snap how will the striders + john take to american dragon jake engli??!?!?  
> also next chapaters being written after this one cause i feel like it
> 
> ALSO ON ANOTHER IMPORTANT NOTE  
> i still dont have any butterscotch candies i swear ill make any ship canon in this fic if someone gave me some fuck i miss them so much why this
> 
> the dead ants still laying on the ground.


	7. german

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TKAE AWYAYWW AH ALL IN ALLLLLL LET ME STAYYYYYYY LETIT GOO OOHOHOOHOOHOH OI WANNA OOMHOMSOTANTE JUST WAHY TO OOOOOHH TO GET HIS SHOWWOWO OM THE RAOD OIII CANT WIAIFIASTITIIO MJAHHAHAHA IMMHAHHH  
> GIMEI WHJUST WI SEEK  
> GIMMIE ALL TAHT I CRACE  
> SIMGEI SOMRTHII EED  
> TO SEEE THW RODL TONIGHT  
> SHOW ME HOW TO GEET DOWN  
> TAEH ME ALL YOUR SECRTES  
> TAKE ME ALL WAROUND TOWN  
> WEL'L SEE THE WORLD TONIGHT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its really goin down now get some bro backstroy and stuff  
> ALSO SHout out to BlOo KiSsEs on fanfiction.net for givin me butterschotch  
> the tavquius in this chapter is dedicate to them and i also have some fronds who ship it too so everyone wins yehaw
> 
> and thank ao3 user velkyr for offerin to protect me from the cannibal antsa nd butterscoohtc  
> and clla'pappy from fanfiction.net clam yo tits heres your next chapater

"Dirk, what the fuck is this."

"My boyfriend."

"Yeah no shit, but I mean.." You gesture towards the dragon in front of you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck this can't be happening. Many negative emotions stir through your mind. You're trying your hardest to contain them, but sure enough you feel your hand slowly reaching for your sword. You guess you can never truely escape it, can you?

Your name is Bro Strider, and you are apart of the Huntsclan.

* * *

 Ever since you were born with it, you have been destined for the role. The doctors couldn't explain the dragon shaped birthmark on your upper right arm, and they didn't have the chance to further question it when _they_ kidnapped you, right out of the hospital. You were taken to the Huntsclan lair, where you lived the majorty of your youth and trained for many years. You were praised and wildly popular for your skill, and grew up to be one of the most powerful huntsmen. Your leader, the Huntsman, took pride from your talent. He would send you on many dangerous missions to test your strength, and much to his pleasure you never returned empty handed. Now you're probably wondering what exactly you would hunt, what would take so much training to achieve. Well it's simple, all magical creatures that walked the Earth. At a young age you were taught that all mythical beings and anything else of the sort were evil. None of the other children that claimed the Mark of the Huntsclan really questioned it, and you weren't any different. Of course feelings of doubt would often linger in your mind, causing you to pause briefly before making the final blow to your next victim. But they were always pushed aside, the feeling of praise from another successful hunt greater.

As you approached your eighteenth birthday, you gained the rank Huntsclan Master, thus making you one of the Huntsclan Leaders. It was bestowed upon you after slaying your first dragon, its skull worn proudly over your head. The higher status unlocked more information about the organization to you, secrets of The Huntsclan many others would never know. You learnt many things over the span of two years, and the more you knew, the more anxious you became. You realized the true dangers behind the clan you dedicated your life to. By the time you were twenty, you wanted out. You wanted to live a normal life. You thought you understood the purpose of The Huntsclan before, but honestly, you didn't see the point. The magical creatures weren't hurting anyone, and just because your people thought they were lesser beings didn't mean they deserved to be slaughtered. So you snuck away, told the other leaders you were going on a mission to kill a group of elfs. You traveled south to Texas, it seemed big enough that you'd be hard to track down. You bought an apartment, got a job as a DJ as well as hosting various websites. Your life was finally turning normal, you were happy. Even happier when you were blessed with two little brothers. You raised them to be as cool as you, and you were so proud.

The occasional mythical creature sighting would happen every now and then though, and apparently old habbits die hard because everytime you felt obligated to fix the situation. Although reluctant to do so, you couldn't control that urge to kill The Huntsclan had drilled into your brain. You knew it was wrong, knew you were sick as your sword sliced through an innocent fairies torso. But you just couldn't stop. You'd tell Dirk and Dave that you'd be right back, just had to go take care of something. But in reality you would be captchaloguing your sword and Huntsclan uniform, tucked away deep within your closet. You'd get the job done, quick and sufficient, then stroll back home as if it never happened. No one suspected a thing, you were never caught, and that's how you intended to keep it.

Hunts would get less and less frequent as time passed, and you were thankful for that. You've done it, escaped that awful life you were born into. There had been a total of eleven hunts since you dropped everything you knew was right and fled. Luck must be on your side, for there could have been much more. Your last hunt was eight years ago, and as far as you know, you have surpressed the feelings of hatred and rage at mythical creatures you were taught. Maybe you might be able to let the next one you saw go, or maybe you might just lose control.

* * *

==> Dirk: Protect your dragon boyfriend

"Dirk, what the fuck is this."

"My boyfriend."

"Yeah no shit, but I mean.."

you gulped, would they not accept jakey for hwath E wAS?!!

you take a deep rbeath "Hes a dragon, bro dave and johb, my bf is a motherufkin dragon."

Dave just nods. he doesnt really seem to mind nor caare, jonk seems amaziened, hAA, 

and bro... you see out of thec corner of your eye as he reaches for his sword wait what

oh noo.. whaT is he doign!??!?!? is he going to.... KILL... YOUR BrOYFRIND!?

"step aside dirk"

:NO I LOVE HIM"

jakes eyes widen with panic as the sword is fully out noww. the tip nearing his throat.

* * *

 --->' JOHOHN: be carreid by dave away from whatever the fuck is goin on now and make this story abotu your ship agin

Daeeh leans in close to your nose

"wanna get the fuck out of here?" you blush

yo u take out a dry erase board and amrker and write 'where to?' since you are blind

"wheever u want bby' he winnks and you cant see it since hes wearing glasses but you could feel it pulse through your veins that wink meant so much

he proceeds to pick you up bridal style once more or it might be for the first time the author doesnt fucking remember and ckiceks the front door down and youre off!

you swear you see fire behind you from insideth e strider household but oh well not your problem

"hey john, i agev a quesiton"

"shoot"

"what did my seduction mean to you?"

seducitivons? does he mean when he did that thing to your face and t hen lower regions? you tilt your head to the side in thorught

"i-i appriaciated the gesture.." you feel the heat creep towards your cheeks a t the member

daves sets you back on your feet and his hand creeps towards your memory

((an: fcuk sweet dreams timaeus started on my playlist and uughugh dirky feels i cant do this"))

"d-d-dd-ddd-d--ddddddd-d-ddd-ddd-d-dddddd"

dave sputs a digit to your lips to silence your bishie stuttering

"i know you want the d, dont have to say it 29 times babe"

n-nnNO d--d-dDDd-DDDAVE, w-_WHAt are OUY odING?!?"

"oh me? nothin much." he replies cooly with his hand shoved down your skirt.

"oh, because i thought you were doing _something_ " you say nonchalantly with daves hand shoved down your skirt he isnt doing anything though

"nah, just thought id let it sit there"

you blink a few times because you are deaf you cannot hear.

 "john, i haev a questohn"

you guglp" what is it"

"how did you become mute?"

you sighh, how were you supposed to tell him you were born without the right vocal cords when youre mute? does he not understand what mute means you cant fucking talk god he is so inconsiderate!

"i-i was bullied a lot in middle school, and the truama made me stoptlaking and its phycological"

dave grabs onto your hand and looks you deep i nthe eys

"ill protect you from the pirates"

you blink at him, how did he know about the stolen scroll?!?!?!?!??!! fuck.

"oh so you coud takl before?"

"yeah"

he strokes your head "its okay baby youre still eprfect even though you cant speak"

"are you sure dave, because i have a confesion to make!"

"and whats that jonny boy"

"dvae im.. h.."

"do go on"

"h-hh-hom.."

"yes?"

"ho-h-homo..."

"you are going to have to be more specific"

"h.hom-ho-homos.."

"yourE SO CLOSE JOHN PLEASE"

"h-homos-" can you really say it fully? is this really you, or are you just being delusional since dave has showed up in your life? youre not sure you can go through with this..

"ojhn i just want you know that i loveyou and accept you for whatever you asare"

you smole at him, yes you can do it, this is who you really are.

"Dave i'm homosporious."

you see tears well up in his eyes

"Life is sweet. Vanilla cupcakes are sweet. Therefore, life is a vanilla cupcake!" -Coral

Try _Goldfish_ Vanilla Cupcake Grahams.

To learn more about FINN & FRIENDS visit:

Goldfishfun.com

"thanks joln"

"anytime dave"

* * *

"soooo" nepeta purrs next toyou, "a shipping question?"

youre now gamzee and you nod, her eyes appear to sparkle

"Then ou've come to the purrrigghtt place!" he twirls around excited about ships

"WeLl yOuU see MOTHERFUCKER, tHeRe mAy bE a cErAtiAn sOmEone i alL uP aNd HaVe My eYE On"

"Oooohhhh~ and who might this certain somecat be?" she wiggles her claw in front of you

Becfore you can speak she pipes in, "Is it Korkot?"

"nO, And IsnT hE RiDiNg tHe fErRiS WhEeL?"

":<44 h3 is?? i must add this to my shipping wall immediatly!!!"

"I MeAn iM AlL OnE FoR DaRk cArNiVaLs, BuT ThAt iS OnE RiDe i dO NoT WaNnA Go oN"

She nods, prompting you to continue.

"I MeAn hAvE YoU SEEN hEr sEaShElLs?!?"

"They are quite atrocious. if its not mr vontos, is it...."

you get your club out gettin sick of this guessing game bullshit

"Is it Jane?"

You quickly clasp your hand over your mouth, cutting off the choked sob threatened to escape. She just had to fucking bring up Jane didn't see?

"ShE.. ShE ReJeCtEd mY PoTiOnS LoNg aGo."

"Purrfuck, I' m so sorry GAM." She rests a reasuring paw on your thumb.

":33333333 but anywys, just spill it out alreayd, whos the person you like!??"

"WeLl iT JuSt sO HaPpEnS To aLl uP AnD Be yOuR MoRiRaL."

she freezes, "e-eqijus?"

"yEp"

"Hooooollllyyy shhiiitt."

"I KnOw, I HaVeNt rElAlLy cOnSiDrErEd hIm tHaT Wa y uNtIl i sAw hIm nAkEd."

"his naked body is truely a magNEIGHficant sight."

"He wAs aLl uP AnD GeTtIn oUt oF ThE ScHoOl pOoL, aNd hE ArChEd hIs bAcK AnD FlIpPeD HiS WeT HaIr, AnDi wAs lIkE DaMn, He rEaLlY KnOwS HoW To gEt dOwN To bUsInEsS DoEsNt hE?"

"Oooohh eqeuiuis.." neeppta smiles at the thought of her bffl.

"So WILL you HELP me?"

"Of meow course!" she replies as she draws the both of you on her portatble shipping wall.

You then proceed to pull back your club and bash her head in.

Gamzee has broken the AC, so it's about to get hot.

* * *

 

Jorn== be touched

Dvae has led you towards an empty alley way outside of an ice ceream shop, you have no idea what this crazy kid is planning

"jong, since you discovered you are infact not homosexual, but instead homosporious, i thought we'd celebrtae"

"oh by getting ice cream?" you ask and tilt your head to the side, i mean you are right outside the ice cream shop

He shakes his head and slowly raises his hand, putting on a rubber glove.

"d-Dave?" you blush.

The rubber snaps as he pulls it back, glove fully on now.

"Its okay Juhn, I'm here."

You nod, hopefully he will be gentle with you you are just small shota boy.

He moves his hand towards the waistline of your skirt like he did earlier, but unlike previouslyi nside of just stickng his hand in htere, he begins taking your maid dress off!

A blsuh creeps on your cheeks as the skirt becomes fully off, you are now naked exept for the top of your dress and your high heels and stockings!

"DAVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!"

"Celebrating, chill dude."

"RIGHT HERE?!?! WE ARE IN PUBLIC!"

"I know, I'm a fucking rebel this is what I LIVE FOR." He breathes heavily.

That silecnes you, and you remain silent as dave works your top off. He lifts it up over your shoulders.

"D-do you want me to take off my stockings and heels?" you ask

"Nah, keep 'em on, its kinky."

Damn, these fucking stroders and their kinks.

A car passes you as dage begins to strip himself. He is sure to make a show of it, teasing you.

And it works, as you find yourself hungrily lickign your lips.

You quickly take out your pocket mirror and check if you fuckded up your makeup

nope youre good, you wink at your reflection.

You chuck your pocket mirror across the alley when you see that dave has finished undressing, it goes soaring, flying, theres not a star in heaven it cant reach.

"Like what you see?" He asks sultry when he eyes the lump in your pants.

You gukp, blush, and nod. You are mute.

A hobo stirs a few feet away from you, hopefully this ruckus doesn't disturb him!

Dave wiggles his way over to you and attacks your lips with his own, holy shit.

You blush and writhle beneath him, he probes your lips open and sloppy makeouts are now happening.

So this is what it's like to be homosporious, huh.

* * *

D==> Be the muscley highblood.

Your name is Eckqueeus Zehhook and you have jsut finished working out.

You give your neckarms one last flex and throw the 500 pound weights across the room they crash through the wall and cause a poor passerbyer fatal injuries.

The ground shakes beneath you from the weight of your glorious neckarms, and you flip your hair as you strut the streets.

Oh and what's this? You notice a HORSE in the distance, trotting majesticly. How MAREvelous! What a great day this is.

As you approach the wonderful musclebeast, you notice upon closer inspection it shares the same horns as the lowblood Tabrohs.

You clear your throat to get it's attention, when it turns around you feel your heart stop, this horse IS TAVROGS!

"oH HEY,,, eQUIUS,"

"Hello -> lowb100d."

"fANCY SEEING YOU H-"

"Can I ride you?"

"eXCUSE ME?"

"No, do excuse me. That was a very.. lewd thing to request." You quickly dab your damp forehead with your pocket towel.

"aCTUALLY I, uM,, rEALLY DONT MIND."

"You must be joking."

"nOT AT ALL."

You boost yourself up using your neckarms, and get on horse tavroors back.

"oH, yOU MEANT, tHIS KIND OF RIDING,,,,,,"

"What other kind of riding is th-" The realization dawns on you. "Wait..."

You squint your eyes at Tavrgos, who just smirks.

"dO YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS, sOME WHERE MORE, uH, pRIVATE,, mAYBE?"

"That would be exquisite."

You slid off Tarvos, who animorphs back into human form.

"sO,u h, eqeius,,"

"Yes lowblood."

"wOUDL YOU LIKE TO GO,,,,,tO THE , uM, pOOL TO CONTINUE"

Your eyes widen, the pool? How did he know about your true passion. You begin stripping immediately.

"Of course I would." You refrain from vibrating like an equius in excitment, soon you would be swimming! You always felt Free! in the water.

"tHEN LETS GOU!"

* * *

 

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.

And everytime we kiss, I swear I could fly.

Can't you hear my heart beat fast? I want this to last.

I need you by my side.

You are John Egbump and Dave Stricker is frotting madly on top of you.

All you feel is heat and friction because you're blind.

You feel his tongue against your own once more, and you bite back with just as much force.

Dave abruptly pulls back, panting as he whispers, "I love it when they get fiesty."

You blush, and intend to show him what a true homosporous can do.

Davte holds back a moan as you suck on his collarbone.

Yes good it's working.

But not for long as Dave pins your wrists above your head, making sure you know he's the seme.

That's okay with you, you were always a uke at heart anyways. You blush at the thought, and also from the sensation of Dahe ramming into you oh boy.

The hobo next to your moves a little, oh shit is he waking up?! fuckfcufkcufk not good.

Dave Strader also notices, and he stops laping at your neck. "Crap."

You blink as the form a small distance from you two turns around, and catches sight of the view of two naked boys bodies pressed into each other.

"Holy shit thats hot."

DID THAT HOBO JUST.... wait. the hobo... he is wearing a grey hat

you study his face more and.... is that..

IT WAS NEVER A HOBO ALL ALONG IT WAS..

BRO STRIDER!?!!?

* * *

 

Bro Strider currently is aiming his sword, not the sexy kind of sword, at your neck.

"Bor twhat the fuck are you doing!?"

"Dirk, I have to do this."

He takes out a dragons skull and puts it over his head.

Fuck. Youre screwed.

"The Huntsclan. you hiss.

For a split second bro looks pained, but then he replies with a nod of his dragon bone covrered head.

Nope you gotta get your hiney out of here this instant. You take a dee p breathe, and as you exhale fire pours from your mouth. You make sure not to aim at dirk because you need that d.

Withuout seeing if you hit your target or not, you open your wings and crash out the window, the nyou take off to the skies. You feel his hard blade cut your arm as youre leaving, butt fuck it, you dont care right now you just need to GO, crikey!

Gotta go fast.

Sonic would be proud.

* * *

 

\--8-> You are now Vriska, the girl who was only mentioned once in this fic in chapter one. You stood up but then were back sassed by Jane, fucking bitch.

You walk the streets in search of a certain someone, you pass by an ice cream shop. On the outside of the establishment you see your classmates. Aww they look like they're having fuWAIT WHAT OH DEAR GOD.

Yoaaaaaaaai!

You avert your eight eyes and shoot a spider string from your horn and abscond. You fly through the air on the silk and land on a roof. To the right you see a bunch of anime main characters eating lunch. How typical.

You punch them all in the face, then youth roll down the stairs.

* * *

 

Your Bro watches as your boyfriend flies away, his sword dripping with his blood.

The detatched limb lays on the floor, you slowly walk over and pick it up.

You really fucking hope Jake doesn't die, you'd hate to wrap the arm up in cloth and then give it to his mom as she breaks down in tears and then asks if you were useful.

You would tell her of course he was useful, useful to MY DICK.

wwwwwwoooooooaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"Dirk, I will end him eventually."

"Not if theres anyhtigni can do about !" You thrust your hips forward thrice times for emphesis.

Bro watches the sight hungrily and wait..

oh shit.

* * *

 

porrim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im laughing so hard theres a fuckin wiki for this shit  
> its 8am i havent slept and im sitting here reading off the american dragon ajek lon wigki page
> 
> also my tumblrbrl is erwwehdan for anyone interested and all that jazz  
> I told you not to do the jazz squares.  
> It's a crowd favorite. Everybody loves a good jazz square.


	8. porrim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> porrim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> porrim

porrim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> porrim


	9. the p test: chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is a sidech apater that happens some random time after school john might be preggers and he gets help from his friends!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjok

Your name is jonk egbersh and you fear for your overaires. You had been gettin pretty experimental with davis latley. Adn on more than one occasison he didi the thing insIDE you. So now you fear you havee a mr brightside inside you.

You approach the farma-c slowly, your knees are rattling abck and fourth from hwo nerviouso you are. THe pregnnacy tests are right up near the cashier. This hsouldnt be too hard!

Well think again, it turns out the cashier working otday is Ferris Wheel. FuKC. Out of all people who couldnt know you were geting a p-test it was ferris bueller. She would neer let you live this down. You quickly look left and rigtht trying to think of a backup sollux when you spot your good chum rose (pronounced ross-eh)

"Hello jolk" she greets you gothily.

"Hey rose!" you say and wave excitedly in her face becuse youre a spazz.

"Is there something bortheirng you?" She asks and tilits her head gothicly.

"W-WELL actualy.." You put your arms behidn your back and try to appear bashful.

Beofre Rose can even Jade (pronounced jah-dey)comes tumbl rolling through the farma-s doors and lands next toyou.

"JOHN!" (pronounced joe-hhhhhn) And hse wrps her muscle arms around your small shota frame.

"dont owryr about it, me and rose can get you the prency test" She says and winks at you.

"B-but how did you know?!?!" Jad seriously amazies you sometimes, if she wasnt already with rose youd totally do the incest with her.

"We’re twins, i can read your mind!"

"oh yeah I forgot i was related to you!"

Jade then grabs Rose by the boob and drags her up to the chasier.

"WE’LL TAKE TWO PREGNACY TESTS PLEASE!" Jade screams loudly.

"W()at."

"We would like to aquire the test that displays the results of babby in our nurturing mother holes." Rose pipes in.

"But yo)(u are both of the femaile gender. t()(ere is no *fish sounds* way that would even be possible!"

They ponder it for a moent, before the look of realizeion comes across their faces.

"JONB! You silly goose! You are of the maline gender, so is davis!"

You blush, wait a gosh darned minutes…. You hesitatly reach into your skirt and feel your thingy.

ITS TRUE, YOU ARE A MALE HOMO SAPIAN!

yOUU excitidly carkwheel out of the store on top of korkot

* * *

 

Jonk kicks down the door to his houme.

"Honey, iM HOME!"

Davis is chilling naked on the couch. “sup"

"davis! guess what i found out today!"

"what"

"We’re boys!"

Davis ponders this for a moment, before breifly looking down, seeing his junk, then looking back up.

"Well damn, I guess we are."

"THAT MEANS WE CANT GET P PREGGERS!"

"you know what this means jonk."

"i sure do davis"

Jonu marches right into the kicthen, strips, andmake hte speggti proudly.

Davis smirks and begins dancing on the coffe table in the living room asthe shegitiis bein prepared. today is a good day,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoked


	10. dont

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that

John looked down at the Dirk in his hands wearily. He felt a bead of sweat slide down his cheek as he bit his lip. Dave stared at him intensely, "John."

The shota whipped his head up, startled at his lovers low voice.

"W-What?"

Dave took a deep breath and shuffled closer to John. He leaned down and whispered in the lil mamas ear.

"Don't. Drop. That. Dirka Dirk."

John gasp.

Frozen in place, the Dirk rolled out of his grasp before John could stop it.

It happened, John dropped that Dirka Dirk.

Dave fell to his knees, animu tears bubbling up in his eyes, a single questioned lingering on his lips,

"John, why?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dirka dirk


	11. helo would u like some of this hot choclety milk ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some new characers are interoued and new relatisonhips too wow incredable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im finfally done dickin around chapaters and wrpte this oh yes hello frines its good to be back  
> there were 2 dudes on ff.net who im too lazy to get he usersanmes who requested the shsop eridanarammda so i did the thing
> 
> rainbow rubber bands.

Bro and Dirk sit in silence for a while. It's been ten minutes since Jake has fled, a gaping whole in the wall in his wake. Dirk looks at his bro, then to the hole, then to his bro, then to the hole. As he glances back at his bro once more, he notices that his wardrobe has changed drastically.

Instead of his regular white polo and black jeans, which was before hidden underneath the Huntsclan cloak. Bro is now dressed in white pants, and a light brown opened jacket that stops mid stomach covering his bare chest. The dragon skull helmet remains on his head though.

Bro takes out two swords and shoots wires through the hole, german chanting and humming is heard in the distance.

_**SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAEGER!** _

With that, Bro Strider quickly flies after Jake on his 3D maneuver gear. The fight for humanity is on.

* * *

Be Tvgors:

You are noe taovors who is not karkat. You and equius have jsut ented the shcool swimming pool ready to get it on.

"dID YOU, uH rBRINg THE BUCKET?"

"D__> I always carry a bucket with me, in my trusty neckarms."

"oH Ok,,," A brown chicken nugger flavored blush creeps on your cheeks.

Equius strips down to nothing, and you can see his raging erction from where youre not standing you dont have legs.

"This pool%, he breathes, "Is ex@uisite."

Neckquius gracefully dives into the pool and you gasp. You really hope he retunrs your affections. Just as your baout to srtip to join him (and hhopefully fuck) a honkin and squeaking unicyle noises muffled in the distance.

"eQuIs!" Gamzee calls as he pedals in.

Neckqiu resurfcaes, water dripping down his toned body.

"H-Highblood." He bows.

You glare.

Gamzo smirks.

* * *

Jack Sweden: Pant heavily

You are panting heavily my goodness you were not expectin a round of fisticuffs today! You look at your nub of a right arm which was cut off by Brofs mighty sword. Steam billows out ofthe wound as it regenertares, which is a part of dragon migyk which oyu have ok thanks

tAKING A DEEP RBEATH you transform back into human, the stabilziaing orb takign effect once more. 

"By golly!" You say at nothing in particular. Now back to full house you climbgrind the tree behind you, being sure to keep yer eye out for those frisky stroodle striders.

* * *

Your name is Brother Strider, and youre dashing htrough the trees on your gear,  ready tO KILL ALL THE DRAGONS!

You turn to glance back for a moment and when you lok back front, youre crashing into a large manly chest.

As you tumblr to the forest floor you look u p to see hwat caused your crash, eyes widening under your sugoi anime shades.

"Well well well what do we have here?" Says Shrek.

"And what the fuck are you supposed to be?" You retort, feeling rather snarky tofaday.

"An orgere, and you be swinging around in my swamp."

"Gomenasai."

"Who you tryin to hit with those blades a yourss?"

"a dragon"

"You should stop that because my friend is marryed to a dragon that is dragon discrimination right there buddy and i will snap your neck if you kill dragon on my swamp."

At the orgres wise words, you suddenly feel like a burden has lifted from your shoulders. The inclination to kill every mythical creature in the book slowly fading, you smile.

You've finally done it, you are free! from the huntsclan. To thank Shrel you jump up and peck a kiss on his ear antenna hting.

Shrek blush, and reaches a yaoi hand towards you and ruffles your hair, once you pulled way.  "It's okay small man, just be careful enxt time." wIth a wink skreg crawls away.

You've never felt more aroused in your life.

* * *

JAKE AGAIN, Yes you, you are the jake, dont you feel happy knowing you have a great booty for the time beeing.

You keep lookin out the tree and you spot anIME SHADES.

Upoon instinct you scream dirks name, "DIRIK"!

Bro looks up nnd oh shIT its not your lover youre so screwed, you are the screw in the toolkit its you.

"Uhum... helo there chap."

"Hey kid."

You tilt your head, why aint he slicingyour doo diddley neck right now?

"Is i t because im not in dragon form right now?"

"No," Bro sighs. "I'ts because ive relaiezed my mistakes, and i dont really give a shit anymore." He dorps his swords and continuesm "My fairy slayin days are over." A smirk slides its way on the older stroders face at the meormory of sdreks lips on his.

"Well gung hoe1, that really tickles my fancy to hear that," You reahc out a british hand, "Does htis mean i have your blessing."

Bro shakes the hand firm and yaoi, "Sure does kid." He winks at you and stares at your ass, you blbush.

"Why do both my bros get all the good twinks?" Bro mumbles to himself.

"I'm sorry i didnt quite hear that?"

"Oh, it' ns nothing." "Now if youll excuse me, ive got two yaois to spy on near an ice cream shop.

Bro 3dm's away into the trees, you have never been more aroused in your life.

* * *

RECAP ==>

_The hobo next to your moves a little, oh shit is he waking up?! fuckfcufkcufk not good._

_Dave Strader also notices, and he stops laping at your neck. "Crap."_

_You blink as the form a small distance from you two turns around, and catches sight of the view of two naked boys bodies pressed into each other._

_"Holy shit thats hot."_

_DID THAT HOBO JUST.... wait. the hobo... he is wearing a grey hat_

_you study his face more and.... is that.._

_IT WAS NEVER A HOBO ALL ALONG IT WAS.._

_BRO STRIDER!?!!?_

* * *

BACK TO THE PRESENT, YOU ARE JOHN. YOU ARE BLIND.

davEh is still frotting madly on top of you, you flele YUOrsLEf CLOse OT the EgDE oh mAN OH MaN OYU WIsh YOUD be abLE to MOaN daVes name he means so much to you but you cannot you are mute. what a damn shame

The hobo stirs netxt to you and wakes up, bro strider.

YOU GASP, there is the olDER stroodle strider, watching as his brother frots madly utop you. HOW SCANDOULOUS@

"What the ufck brom, "dave shouts from above you."

"It's not like I planned this or anything, b-bala!" Bro ssays cooly.

"UmU MU Um..." you bote your lip and blush, youre still naKEd REMEbeR!

"Hey." Bro winks at you.

"Bro nO" Dae seethes.

"Come on, let me have a turn on the twink."

Did bRo juST cALL you a TWINKIE?

well you mean you do have a nice creamy center!

Dave sigh. "fiME, im gonna get some ice cream." He slides off you and gallops into the ice cream shop were you madly frotting next to just moments before. he still naked.

"I didnt sign up for this.." You sign langugae to bro

"You're a good kid John."

You blush.

"I'd like to change that."

* * *

You do the ram thing and you are now ram.

But which ram you ask? The ghost frog ram! You are arumpia.

Ardaia sits at a stool in the ice cream shop, youre currently on your first date with a certain smooene, and boy are you smitten!

Eridan sits dramatically in front of you, sippin at his smoothie.

"So..." he beings, "wwwvwhat did you plan to do today/"

You blush red you have red blod, "Breathe?"

Eridumb scoffs, "wwhat else wwouldi expect from a filthy landwwwelldewwer."

You ejaculate with your tentabuldge all over Eridan.

* * *

Cows begin to fill the once large hole in the wall of Strider Home. Cows come from every angle and crevice and flood the living room. Dirk Strider: Dick Rider, hurridly slays cow after cow in an attempt to escape. But his work is in vain, for the cows do not stop piling up. They fill the apparentment now, Dirks body pressed up against the cieling.

"With the power of the moon, " dirgle beigins, *sailor moon noises*

One magical girl transformation later, and all the cows are under dirks control. He is cow king. DIrk smiles and gets on a cow. "ONWARD!" hE points his animu sword in front of his, "I NED TO SAVE JAKEKY"

The cows charge forward.

And now the weather.

* * *

Bro slowly takes off his leather gloves with his teeth, you gulp seductily.

You rae Jink once more, and youre really nveroous.

"P-Please be gentle with me i am just small shota boy.

"

"O'h ill be reeeaaaall gentle," Bro spokes in a southern accent.

A sigh escapes oyur lips, god dammit you are sick of people not know youre mute!

a whiteboard is quickyl at your side, and you slowyly write out the dots of brailei with the marker, the board reading, "what to heCk"

Bro nods in understanding and gets in top of you, straddlding your hips. He leans down and whispers in yo ear, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy instead."

Since you are alreayd naked, and when you were watching daves ass as he left you didnt see Bro also get naked. You are both naked.

That means

with him

on top of you

like this

you are doing

the full on sex!

Your eyes loll out at the thought and Bro gets ready with the orange soda flavored lube.

"Are you, " You mute. "a-are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"John," Bro begins as he thrusts into you. "I read my little pony fanfiction, I've got this under control."

You sigh in reassurance. Hes got this you are safe and no babies will result from this, for you are of the male gendenrer!

* * *

Be the wizzard.

Except not because wizards araent glubbin real!

==

you are eridan amporna and youre sippin yo milkshake, waiting to bring the boys to the yard. The bell signnaling a new custimer rings and you see a naked cool guy strider in, you smirk. The first one has arrived.

mr corkscrew horns admres you from her seat acrsos fro you. Red ejaculation still covereingyour face from her thing.

"Do yuo like me?" Adroida starts.

You glace down at your watch, "5:38." You reply.

"Thanks." Ardai says.

You slap the maked guys ass as he goes past you to order. He yelps shotaly and the whole establishment whips their head to face him. couLD IT BE, A UKE?!

"Clam down guys, im a seme a swear!" Hes getting nervoise now, you notice, and he thrusts the air to prove hes a seme. The customers accpet that for now and resume what their doing.

Back to you, Eridan marpo, the prince of hoge.

"So whyd you ask me out anyways, "You fiddle with your straww which is not a wand oh god...

Adraida beings explaining ubt now that the thought of a wand crosses your mind, theres no stopping it. Your imagination wonders to the land of wands and wwizardss. You gelp and feel an anime sweat drop.

"E-exucse me." You apdruptly stand and stumble out of the ice cream shop. You sprint towards the ocean and flops in, the cold water killing your boner.

* * *

Speaking of boners, you are now Sollux Captor. You hold a firm bop it in one hand, while your other tends to your boners. Yes boner **s**. Duality.

"Twist it." The voice from the 90's toy commands. Sollux twists his dick and moans.

"Smack it." A hiss escapes the mustard bloods mouth as he smacks it hard.

"Bop it." Says said toy in a deep sualtry voice. Sollux puts his free hand over his heart, closses his eyes and smiles. His double dicks boping to the top. The result is very orgasmic.

* * *

Dirks cow trot on, deep within the forest. 

\--> dirk.

Yes, that's right. You are the Dirk. And it feels good.

The cow you're riding on moos and which you understand means boOOTY UP AHEAD BAZANGA!

You rolling girl off the cow and see jake. your jake, and hes not dead! Yes!

You're gettin some dick tonight!

"Hey."

"DIRK!" he grins at you and leaps into your arms. You lift him up effortlessly and twirl him in the air, your fingers roaming to his plush rump.

"Oh my." Jkae mumbles UFKC HES HOT OH GOD.

Years of practicing with Cal have paid off, you lean in and capture his lips with your own. Rainbows explode in the distance from the gay intensitty of it. The cows all appluad and accept you both for who you are. Cows alawys got yo back.

* * *

mmm macaroni, the lorax says as he brings the next cheesey bite to his fuzzy lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sollux is sexually attracted to bop its  
> its canon.  
> ill fuckin fight you


	12. john cant read this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> johhns epxperince

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here i swithc back to johns potint of view once again enjok@

Youre name is HOhn Egberd, and you are being fukced senseless by the person of your affectison odler BrOTHER!!!!

Yo uare surpied daeveh let you do this.

Bro picks up the pace and you scream, then blush boy you wer eloud.

"S-sorry, I'm mtue."

"I'ts okay," he pushes some hair out of your face and your thighs twitch at the sensually touch.

You blink a few times in morse code so Bro can understand, hyou are mure after all!

*b-bro -sama, i thoght your kokoro belonged to another* you blink as you both keep a steady rythem

"well , "he starts, and you cant help but admre his anumie shades they were really pointy, yu licked your lips at the thoguth of them inside you.

"Well, I enojy any shota with an ass."

YOURE EYE WIWDEN, DOES THAT MEAN DAJE WAS AA SHOTA?1

"But!" you sign furiously, "Raves a seme!"

Bro ptuts a lip to is fingers in a shshhs manner

so

YOU TOUCHED A SHOTA BONER BEFORE?!/1?!?!

nO NONO YOU CUOLDT DN TOSH 

this didnt make snese, this whole situation was liek a crazy train in ozzy osburnes garage

Bor thursts faster, and youre whole body is red from blush.

"You're lucky lobsters turn me on." You bite yout bottom lip and go to girp the ends of your skirt, but then you ermebet you arent wearing it.

You click your heels as your providnce is ramme into, crying out.

Massive yaoi hands go over your motuh.

"Shhh, people are trying to eat ice cream, you fucign pico."

"Why areyou doing that? Im mute rmember"

"Oh yeah." bRo remoeves his yaoi hand.

He used the sam yoio hand to gently stokre your meaty love rod.

"bB-but, I'm nNOT A HOMEOSEUXAL!" You gasp, it feLT good but you wERE AS STRAIGHT AS A PIPE CLEANER YOU SWEAR!

"Shhhshh. It's okay. I'm sure we'll be great friends."

"NO OYU DONT UNDERSTAND, IM MUTE!"

Bro riases an eyebrow, "a what?"

"a mute."

"I'm sorry."

"It's kay i cope iwht itevvery day with my text to speech progrmra."

Writherlying underneath Mr. Srofer, you feel yourslf ocming close. His thrusts in time with his pumps and youre shakniing liek a lef

"Not yet." Bro quickly pulls out of you and walks into the ice cream store.

You blink, what the ufck was this shiT!?

So close so close

and its you im beling beleving

so close but far away i seek for oyu light

i hod on

cause foroyumyheart keeps beeting

wind ire wearht air

Bro then returns with an orange creamsicle, he goes back intside you adnd you feel your shota tightness feel good.

He licks the popsickelm, "Sorry, got a little thristy there." He sticks the popsicle up you when he finishes, making you squirm.r

You bit youe bottom lip as he seducly licks up the base of the popsicle, he winks udner this animu shades.

"You gulp." NOt being able to see the wink from being mute, but you could hear the ding noise it made. Wow.

Both of you come at the samse time and tis really great this is going in your passowrd diary the second ytou get home.

"My maid dres.." you frown,. Tour trusty dress a wrinkly heap on the ground

"It's okay, " Bro purrs in your ear, "Yo ucan ear this for now."

You perk up wodering what he has in stoere for your unexperineced body. Bro holds up a single bop it.

You understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did oyu enjog?  
> my tubmrls erwwehdan fora nyone wonderin dont be a shy lil shota drop on by


	13. helo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont evne know man im supposed ot be doing homework then i remmeber this piece of hsit and i thought it died but apaprently not s o yeah pepsoap coli is BAcK!!

John slowly pushes a silky digit onto the bop it button. There was a great big flash, everything just changed, his molocules got all rearranged. After the shota pushed that masochisitc toy, there was a boom. The BOp IT! It MagIcaLLY TrANsPORTaTED aLL tHE cHARACTeRS InvOLVED in PePSACOLI BacK to THeIR hOMES becaYSE tHe AUthor lOSt cONTROL oF thE sTORY WOW BOP ITS SO GREAT!

* * *

im so fucking tired like holy shit

* * *

John sat up, it was another exiting day at school! he was vefy excite. afeter he got fujuckled by bro striper, he waddled home. Dave went to his respective home as well, and jake flew away with dirk inot yaoi land. Apparenly jake british went to your school too! JbuT just hid in the air vents because dragon.

You slipo n your knee stocking thisngs and tingle, the fabrics s osfot on your shaved skin. You wait at your bus stop, and oh shit it starts rianigng. 

waiting for hte bus in the rain in the rian watinig for hte bus in the rain * blares in the distance you rap in place

you ge on the bus, but sit near the fronT becuase youre a bIG NERD, jane is also on htis bus, she throws a pie at you, you cry.

Yu step into the school building and walk into the class. Gamzooe is on the cieling again and you shudder in your thighs once more. Old habbits die hard.

"Hey man" DVav speaks to you/

You whip your head around so fast it almost ocmes off.

"salutations."

"dipping the heels bir:

you look down at said heels, they are black with blue bows on them they match your maid.

dave stands up from his desk. then kKNEEs down, his tounge shoots fourth form his mouth and slowly licls the fonrt of your heel, "You gasp, for the sensual contact went through to your dick."

dAVW laps at your shoes more, you grip the desk tightly unable to stand on your own. Hes rEALLYl DPOIg THiS HERE?!? oh GDO H GO

Equios lifts a neckarm and shoots oyu a thumbs up form the back of the room, your boner increases 10 inches because you really iwhs you had some neckarms.

Just as youre about to reach your peak, Knakri kicks open the door. He screams in a whistle around his neck.

"STOP SOTP SOTP STOP STOP RIGHT HTERE BUDDY BOY!"

You dont undeatsnd aNything at the moment because youre mute!

Dave freezezs his motions, yo u were SO clOSE! you hcould almost taste it

"I am very ##triggled by your actiosn, mr. stroodle strider."

Dave backflips to kankrrU

"do you wanna fight you soggy tator tot."

"Actually." Knakri then animorphs into a tatored tot. Gamzee eats him.

When gamtav fails, gamkri sails on.

* * *

Class HAS EBEgUN! as the teachers teadhin or whatever the fuck teachrers do i idont fukcgn nkwo, dave gives you a blowjob from your desk, both of your bottoms are still firmly planted on your own seats, but your boner stretched over your head to daves creamy mouth. 

Vriskers snickers in the seat under you, and you blush!

"its ok lro, i got you covrerd" Dave sucking intensiifies and oh god youRE sHoTA

"vriskat sneaks one of her ahnds under her deks and begins furiuoiously jacking off . " 88888888 oh yes ho gs o8888 eay ieighti ehiheit aitae ate tae 88 888 "

aranna glares at her older sister from her currnet position on the blackboard, cant she keEP it down shes trying to leaNr the KnoWLaGE oF sCHOOL!

the bell blings.

* * *

"SO john, how ar eyou and dave doing?' ferris wheel asks

"w-w--w-hat do you mean, doing?{ You blush, hopefuly she doesnt suspect anyhting!

"As a homosexual couple, silly!" the wheel tilits her head bashfully

"BUT IM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL I AM HOMOSPOROUS!"

Dva then slides in to your rescue, "its okay fefrio, hes mute."

She nods, she understands your disabibility.

You knees turn red at the blush.

In the distance eridan swims in the schoool fountain, and ardia watches the sight hungrly, her horns extending from arousal. Her horns keep winding outwards, gamzee screams. The point his poked him in the eye.

"fUcK not MotHErFUkciNG aGaIN aRe PYU FUkcINg FIrST tAv Now THis bUlLs hIT!!" He wears a second eyepatch now, temportality blind. Solllux slitehrs up to him, "you 2rying to theal my style punk?" he asks with also double eyepathc

"pPllEASE bRO I dNnt WAnt AnY trOubLe :o("

Sollxu packs him a peanbut butter and jelly sandwish

gamzee cries from the memories of his lost lover

* * *

John nibbles on his lettuce silently, blushing at the touch of the leafy greens on his lips. He cries out, the vegatble becoming too much. Korkot wathces from afar, hes gotten better at riding the ferris wheel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont evne know hwere im going with this story anymore HaHorhohRH  
> but ye expect a snk version of this hopefully soon  
> as well as a shitload of homseutkc drabbles that i so far only posted on my tumblrblr


End file.
